Anticipation

You know that feeling of anticipation? Like something really amazing, really great is about to happen?

You're in that private space, in that secret place, about to do that special thing...

You lean in...and...

You can't take your pants off.

There is perhaps nothing more frustrating that being so close and suddenly finding your scrub pants all tied up in knots.

Because then you're wriggling, you're dancing, you're jumping up and down...

Your fingers aren't nimble enough to undo the knot. Undo the knot! Why is it so knotted? I can't wait, I can't wait!

Finally, the knot comes undone. The scrubs are pulled down. And now...I can pee.

Whew. Anticipation...relieved.

EZ Derm

Easy to slap on the massively burned patient, maybe. Probably wasn't so easy for the pig.

It's surprising how similar pigs are to humans, in a sort of anatomical/physiologic/surgical sense. In my residency, I've operated on a pig's colon, bladder, gallbladder, and IVC. I've slapped pig's skin onto humans, I've implanted pig skin into humans, and I've snipped fragments of pig's skin out of humans.

The adjective for pig is "porcine." As in, "this porcine skin is a dermal substitute." For some reason, the word "porcine" reminds me of either a beautiful, ancient vase, or a toilet bowl.

Porcelain, porcine. Sounds close. But not.

Best Job

I'm as cynical as they come. And behind this video, no doubt, are all sorts of marketing agencies, advertising consultants, focus group surveys...

...and they all did a fantastic job. If this doesn't pull a heartstring, I don't know what will.

The Hunger Games

Instant messaging online with Kim (a necessary and integral part of an intercontinental relationship):

Kim: "I can play the Hunger Games now!"

Me: "Um, say what?"

Kim: "The Hunger Games. It's a movie."

Me: "No, yes, no, I know what it is. But what do you mean?"

Kim: "I was already hungry at 10 AM!"

Me: "Uh, you know The Hunger Games is about teenagers who have to fight to the death in an artificial, televised competition, sort of like a post modern version of the gladiators."

Kim: "Eh, no. I thought it was a competition to see who could eat more."

Not all jobs are created equal

The Wall Street Journal just published a piece about the 200 best and worst jobs. They were ranked based on five criteria: physical demands, work environment, income, stress, and hiring outlook.

I found this fascinating. At the bottom of the list are things like "lumberjack," "dairy farmer," and "newspaper reporter." I can see that. A lot of demands, a lot of stress, not a lot of money, not a lot of upcoming job opportunities. Newspaper reporters aren't reporting because there aren't any newspapers; dairy farmers aren't farming, because everyone wants soy; and lumberjacks aren't...jacking? The housing bust means construction is down.

So, when I compare myself to others, I can tell myself, "Well, it could be worse. I could be...a drill press operator." (No. 189 of 200)

But that's not really human nature, is it? We don't go around talking about how much better we have it than others. We go around comparing ourselves to people above us. Richer, healthier, wealthier, faster, stronger, bigger...than us.

So who am I not as good as?

Well, the top of the list is populated by occupations that I don't even understand what they do.

Software engineer. Actuary. Online advertising manager. Web developer.

I'm not positive, but these seem like occupations that involve a lot of sitting and staring.

Surgeons are No. 45. That's not bad. However, it's bad compared to the other doctors. Surgeons are the last of the doctors on the list. Other doctors (both medical doctors and other sorts) are all listed higher.

Optometrist. Chiropractor. Veterinarian. Orthodontist. Podiatrist. Dentist. General practice physician. Psychiatrist.

Right below "optician" is "surgeon." Surgeons are a little better off than accountants and aerospace engineers, and we're a good deal higher than attorneys (No. 87) and commercial airline pilots (No. 104).

Maybe they took into account the bad job market for plastic surgeons when they made the ranking. Which is why I'm delaying that necessary step of job hunting by doing a fellowship.